tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-302767455915995629.post2759869986316031070..comments2024-01-17T05:33:20.530-08:00Comments on Dan, in real time.: I want a new attitude.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-302767455915995629.post-20499706032422732582010-01-22T21:14:43.739-08:002010-01-22T21:14:43.739-08:00Hi Ansia,
And thank you for leaving your comment....Hi Ansia,<br /><br />And thank you for leaving your comment. Sometimes it really helps to know what resonates with those that read what I write.<br /><br />This issue of survivors guilt is something that I feel will be an ongoing struggle for me. It does help to know that others struggle with the same.Danhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02218009891182171803noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-302767455915995629.post-64205270532751050912010-01-22T17:48:52.010-08:002010-01-22T17:48:52.010-08:00I stumbled upon your blog today. One thing you sa...I stumbled upon your blog today. One thing you said in particular has stuck with me: <br /> <br />"I have to recognize that in moving forward in my grief, I may at times feel like I am choosing to walk further away from Michael. I need to actively dissuade myself from this type of thinking. I did not walk away from Michael. He died."<br /><br />I struggle with this all the time. If I choose to smile again, if I choose to pack some of this things away, if I choose to love again - am I walking away? These things bring guilt. Guilt that I am here with our children and he is not, guilt that I am "moving on".<br /><br />But your right, I am not walking away, he died. I am just trying to find a way to live again.<br /><br />Thanks for helping me sort out some of this jumble of thoughts and emotion.Ansiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06211680566519997686noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-302767455915995629.post-82862813231134871582010-01-20T13:04:36.246-08:002010-01-20T13:04:36.246-08:00Once again, I so appreciate comments from everyone...Once again, I so appreciate comments from everyone. You each project some aspect of your experience, and help me understand my own. <br /><br />I think I am realizing that if it were not for those three kids who keep looking to me to reflect that it is all going to be okay, I would have sunk further, and would now be trying to start something new. I tend to be a bit of an extremist. Just a bit. I have this underlying need to make changes in my life, yet often feel the trappings of responsibilities, as blogged about recently. <br /><br />I don't expect that the sadness will change too much for awhile, yet I have to say it is no where near where it was during the first few months. It is during these reprieves that I want to be making progress, growing in new directions. <br /><br />I feel as though I am starving for something good. I just cannot seem to find it right now. At least not in a big way. So minimally, I want to try looking at my world a little different, perhaps with more optimism. I want to be willing to enjoy that which can be enjoyed, rather than tell myself "what's the point."<br /><br />Also, because of my ever developing Buddhist-Christian philosophy, I don't want to overly cling to my grief, as the wheel of life must turn. Perhaps what it is turning to is a different layer of grief, rather than something new. <br /><br />I think I will begin collecting mantras, as I have seen Boo do. If you have mantras to suggest, please share them with me.<br /><br />Thanks.<br /><br />DanDanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02218009891182171803noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-302767455915995629.post-47248249877404433202010-01-20T12:36:59.311-08:002010-01-20T12:36:59.311-08:00I never realized, until reading this, how hard it ...I never realized, until reading this, how hard it is to push yourself to have a good day. You are totally right, it is so easy to get lost in the sadness, that we totally forget about the happiness in a day. It's a lot easier to accept defeat, than it is to push for the success. I hope you can totally embrace, and live this new attitude you hope for. I'm sure you can do it, and I'm even more sure that Michael would love to see you living in the happiness.MandyMyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17240780404158138417noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-302767455915995629.post-71623240327299817092010-01-20T11:23:42.858-08:002010-01-20T11:23:42.858-08:00be patient Dan (with yourself). You will be able ...be patient Dan (with yourself). You will be able to choose your own attitude in a while. Just not yet. NOT YET. (one of my mantras)Boohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10695496303699631884noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-302767455915995629.post-78419962143059895052010-01-20T09:49:06.084-08:002010-01-20T09:49:06.084-08:00I read this post earlier this morning and wanted t...I read this post earlier this morning and wanted to give it some thought before commenting. It seems to me that something positive should emerge from our grief. For each person, the "something" is probably going to be quite different. For myself, after my husband died, I decided to travel alone with our old dog, across North America, because I felt that it would be the best way for me to learn to take care of myself in any and every situation. My husband had a great deal of confidence in my abilities and I know he would have been proud and very pleased to see all that I've done over the past 16 months. I'm proud. Sometimes I'm amazed. I have gone from being the person too shy to ask directions, to someone who is almost at ease in trying anything new, talking to people I have never met before, and so on. I realize how much simpler it would have been to have stayed home at the farm instead, no doubt feeling sad every day for months. This path that I've chosen demands too much of me to spend more than a little time feeling sad each day. It has taken me to places my husband knew and loved, and to others he would have been thrilled to see. His ashes travel with me wherever I go, and I like to think that I am doing all the things he would have wanted us to do together. All of this seems to help me to continue to grow stronger and more able. It seems better than succumbing to sadness. I know Don would have felt terrible if I were sad - so I am trying not to let myself fall into that trap.bevhttp://magickcanoe.com/blog11noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-302767455915995629.post-4707152675898638132010-01-20T06:09:25.889-08:002010-01-20T06:09:25.889-08:00i hope this new attitude stays with you and enrich...i hope this new attitude stays with you and enriches you. your strength and acceptance will be a wonderful example for your children. Michael taught them how to die with grace. you are teaching by example the way to live with grief.abandonedsoulshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06020499806998154330noreply@blogger.com