tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-302767455915995629.post8131565075914104732..comments2024-01-17T05:33:20.530-08:00Comments on Dan, in real time.: And stretch...Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-302767455915995629.post-270583655978468532010-07-22T06:58:08.479-07:002010-07-22T06:58:08.479-07:00"be still and wait"
before matt died, m..."be still and wait" <br />before matt died, my new plan was to not have a plan, to just enjoy our life, where we were, where we were going, and to not work with humans for awhile - he was taking over financial support of us so I could take lower paying, but more close-to-my-soul work on a farm somewhere. After months of not seeing anyone - even though I am still in the same town - the hot weather here has brought people out. People want to know how I am, what I've been "doing with my time." When people ask what my plans are - well, my plans have not changed. I mean, except for the very large Not Having Matt Here part. I don't suddenly have an idea or a plan. I am not suddenly a person with a mission or a cause. Plans also seem rather ridiculous to me, given how much of absolutely nothing I know. To each his own truth. Mine is, right now, to be true to myself, be still and wait. <br /><br />No one's agenda but your own is a good good thing.megannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-302767455915995629.post-38647893321599534822010-07-22T06:41:37.838-07:002010-07-22T06:41:37.838-07:00It's not that I don't think about Michael,...<i>It's not that I don't think about Michael, I do quite a bit. It's just that I'm not feeling my usual sense of despair. What's interesting, is that I don't feel like I have to feel anything right now.</i><br /><br />That's been my experience when traveling since Don's death. It's not that I don't think of him, but that I'm in a different mode that allows me to think of him, while not feeling the despair. I like that feeling as it allows Don to exist in a space of happiness instead of one of sadness. No explanation of why this should be other than it just is.<br /><br /><i>The beauty of this new change is that I don't know anybody here...on a daily basis there is no one looking at me and trying to judge how I am doing with my grief. This is very freeing.</i><br /><br />That's been another aspect of traveling. I'm just a woman traveling with two dogs. An anonymous person whom few people even notice -- especially with the dogs. I could be a local out walking the beach or a forest with my dogs. No surprise encounters with people I know - in stores or parking lots. I don't have to fumble around explaining what and how I'm doing. There is a freedom that comes with just being me - no explanations. <br /><br /><i>You see, I know what it is that I need right now..... Just time for me. I also want space. </i><br /><br />In my own case, I've found time and space to be so critical to moving forward along the healing road. I don't think everyone needs, wants or benefits from time and space, but for some people, yes, I think it's a necessity. <br /><br />Good to "hear" you sounding as you do in this post, Dan. I sense a sea change.bevhttp://magickcanoe.com/blog11noreply@blogger.com