Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Grief Rolls In

Night comes, fog rolls in, sleep beckons. Cannot give in to it.

Grief must be dealt with it. Grief is like Glen Close in Fatal Attraction, she 'will not be ignored.'

Humor slips in to rescue me for yet another moment. Michael smiles, raises his eyebrow. He knows me well. I know dear, my sensibility may not always be appreciated.

Tonight I make no apologies. I am prone to drama, so indulge me. What gets me through one day has me sinking the next. Yesterday's memories are weighing heavy on me today.

Michael didn't always understand my interest in watching dark comedies, or heavy problem of the week dramas, but I'm thinking his understanding of this continues to grow. At least, I tell myself that he continues to somehow participate in my life. All this would be so much more unbearable otherwise. Tonight I watched Alive and Kicking. A story about one man's loss, and another who walks beside those left behind. Somehow the two find each other, find love, and struggle to make sense of their world. The beauty of course is that love, and life, become real because of the struggle. Michael and I learned that hard lesson early in our relationship. Reality was something we could not ignore, so we embraced it. Embracing the reality of limited time kept us in the moment, and in turn, kept me focused on Michael's love. Many have said that was the beauty of our relationship.

Right now my life feels a bit too real, and at times the beauty begins to evade me.

These thoughts, these feelings, this grief rolls in each night as my day comes to an end, and the house quiets down. These written words unburden me, they serve me well.

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