Tuesday, January 24, 2012



I am writing today, not because I have an active readership in mind, more for those that might find my blog in the future. The time has come to make a shift in my focus.

First things first. I am not a new person, and I have not completely worked through my grief. And, my life is not suddenly a bed of roses.

Yes, I have been blessed with many new things in the past 2+ years. I live in a new city, and occupy a new home. I have a new relationship, and each of my children have continued to grow. I am about to become a grandfather, and look forward to the joy that only new life can bring. I have many tried, tested and true old friends and family. And most importantly, I have many new friends whose journeys bear a marked similarity to where I have been, where I am, and where I am going.

For those unfamiliar with my story, my journey here on this blog came out of a desperate need to share my thoughts and feelings as I attempted to deal with the death of my husband. I felt so alone, even with a household of children and a local circle of friends. It was those late night hours when I found myself alone that I needed to reach out and express myself. I was seeking understanding from those that had been there, and from those standing in the same place. What I found was a lifesaving community of people, also reaching out, who gathered formally and informally in order to help each other endure.

It is now time for me to move in a different direction. When I began writing in this forum I did so without a timeline in mind. I didn't anticipate that there would be a end, yet I find myself needed just that. I feel the need to end the documentation of this part of my journey, and to perhaps start anew in a different place. I know that I will always be writing about my experiences, yet for now, I need to be writing about other aspects of my life.

I have decided to maintain this blog for those that may come looking for someone like me in the future. When I started on this journey I was looking for other gay widowed, yet was not finding my reflection online. Since the beginning, I have found that the community I sought materialized in many surprising ways. I have in fact found other LGBT widowed people, and many of them have reached out to me. What I didn't expect is the larger community of widowed people to also embrace me. It has been an overwhelming experience of love and support, and has changed the way I view the world around me.

It's my hope that those who arrive here in the future, also looking for a similar experience, will know that they too are not alone. I will make attempts to update possible links to other services and communities as they develop. I may even respond to future comments, so please feel free to leave them, as I will continue to be notified of future comments left on the blog.

Please know that I continue to grow as an individual. I continue to work through the loss that I have experienced, the ongoing challenges that I face, and the prospects of increased joy in the future.

Much love to all of you, and thank you for being part of my journey.


Dan, in real time.


  1. so glad you were here to be found, my friend.

  2. My throat is getting tight with tears because I feel so much joy for you. Reading this blog, through your lowest lows, and seeing you far away from the utter despondency of two years ago, makes my heart happy. You deserve all the happiness in the world. - Rach

  3. Thank you for being part of mine. This journey would not be the same without you. Namaste to you, my friend. Sure looking forward to seeing pictures of your new grand baby!

  4. I will miss seeing your updates. I will miss you. But you know that I wish you nothing but peace and love and happiness. You are a wonderful man, Dan, and I feel honored to call you Friend .... and to have walked this path alongside you. All aspects of this path .... and this new direction, too.
    I love you and am happy for you.
    For us.

  5. It seems the right time for you to allow the wound to heal. You may always have the scab, but if you don't pick it, it won't bleed any longer. Good for you.

  6. Dan, I only wish I had taken the time to follow your life more closely and to get to know you better. Something about John Lennon saying something like life happens while we're busy making plans. I should have made more plans with you while you were in the area. I'm sorry I didn't. I am looking forward to reading your past blog posts. I think it is courageous and beautiful to write from your heart, and I hope for all that have needed and found comfort in your words, that you find another writing outlet; a new chapter. Words are healing. God bless and love to your family. Your cousin, Renae

  7. Sending best wishes to you, and lots of love :) xoxo

  8. Forward Dan--always going forward. Thank you for this blog.

  9. I will miss reading you here. I'm very happy for you that your life path has improved. If you start writing in a new place I would love to continue reading your journey. I'm sure you'll love being a grandfather.

  10. Sending you love and thanks for the care and concern you always sent to me!

  11. Dan, seeing both you and Janine move on to new lives and new loves gives me hope that I, too, may follow. Thank you for writing from your heart, you have seen that the widowed community embraces one another as kindred souls, no matter what our situation. We are all on this life journey, and all need one another.

  12. Thank you for sharing these past years with us. At some point, it seems well that we are ready to turn the page and write of other events and aspects of our lives. I do hope that, if and when you choose to find a new venue for your writing, you will let us know as I'm sure there are many who would love to see where life takes you. Namaste.

  13. Dan,

    All I can say is Thank You. On finding your blog it seemed uncanny to me that our lives seemed to be so similar, each of us losing our beloved Husbands to the same fate.

    Reading how you have grown has given me strength to move on and, I feel it has helped me get to where I am today. I realise the future is bright and that it is OK to look back at the past but not to live in it. You have givern me the strength to go on and I see brighter days ahead.

    My blog journey is different as I am continuing Stephen's blog with my story and the post script to life since his passing. Hopefully our paths will meet again in the future but for positive reasons.

    Good luck with your future, I truly am happy and excited for you and wish you and your family all you wish for yourselves.

    Thank you and good luck.

    xx Mark xx


  14. Hello Dan,
    It's been quite awhile since I've stopped blogging about Chuck's passing, but it sounds like you've drawn similar conclusions with what you express in this post.

    The truth is, you were the first "gay grief blogger" that I was able to connect with, and your posts were so eloquent, they inspired me to express what I was feeling as well--a tremendous emotional oasis for myself and what we now know are far too many others like us.

    I will never forget your imagery, correlated with deeply insightful prose which touched my heart so as to compel me to read them over and over.

    Simply put, "Because you were there...", you gave me "permission" to grieve--a luxury that I was afraid to allow myself before connecting with you.

    Thank you so much, and Namaste (hats off to you) as well!
    Your friend, Bill

  15. I have seen your blog listed on other blogs quite a few times over the last few weeks. I'm new to the whole blogging business myself, not to mention the whole crappy widowhood business! I finally sat down to read your posts and see that you are moving on. I'm very pleased for you. I'm glad that this blog is still here though and I look forward to reading your earlier posts. All the best, Deb xxx

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  17. Dan,

    I found your blog through searching online for ideas and best ways to help set up a LGBTQI grief support group through the Hospice I volunteer for. When I first decided to volunteer for Hospice I wanted to be in direct contact with this part of our community,being a gay man in a 27 year relationship, I could see the specific needs in our part of the community which some heterosexuals may not initially notice or even think necessary. I saw from my own viewpoint the specific need for someone that can relate to these individuals in real time. I am sharing your blog link with my Hospice Bereavement Coordinator who just recently said to me. "Would you be interested in helping start a LGBTQI specific grief support group through our Hospice?"I cry with joy and pain.(Joy that my heterosexual colleague recognized the immediate need. Pain that there are not groups like this nationwide as of yet, for those in pain-My most recent situation involved a partners loss of his husband only days after their 50th anniversary-which created unusual grief situation to deal with but is a definite reason we are headstrong about our new grief support endeavors). Thank you for being so kind as to share your experiences as hard as I am sure it was to put on paper(so to say)but you're inspiring so many.


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