Thursday, April 14, 2011

The Birthday

Birthday candles!

Wasn't planning on posting anything today, but here I am.

My day went well enough. The nice folks at work had a cake for me and a fellow worker who share the same birthday. From that point on I was on a marathon of appointments throughout the county. It was very busy, and very tiring. I couldn't wait to get home, throw off my work duds, and put on a big over sized shirt (Michael's of course) and a pair of shorts.

Other than a quick run out for dinner with my son Remy, I have been sitting here reading email, the many wonderful greetings that only Facebook can provide for, and staring at the silent television screen. I was doing okay most of the time, then it hit, the tears.

For some reason I kept telling myself not to cry today. I felt like I had to have a happy day, sans tears, to some how prove to everyone that I'm not wallowing in my grief. I'm not quite sure why I give myself these messages, as no one else is telling me this. I suppose we are always our own worse enemies, right?

Anyway, I finally gave myself permission to cry, which I did very easily. I only needed a few minutes, then stopped to catch my breath. Just then, the phone rings. I don't ordinarily answer the phone when having one of these moments, but this call was needed. It was Michael's mother. If anyone was going to understand, it was her. Sure enough, she said I sounded like she usually feels. We laughed, and joked about lying about our age. I promised to say I was 39 so she could then claim a younger age as well. It was a very nice, and fun, conversation. I feel much more connected as a result, and can spend the rest of the evening in a better state.

Thank you Barbara for your call. Thank you for your continued love and support.

Thank you to all my friends and family that reached out to me today.

Thank you Michael for your love. I miss you more and more each day, but hold your smile in my heart, which keeps it beating.


  1. Dan, happy belated birthday. Barbara must be a great person. I know you are thankful for the mutual support. I think you are amazing for many reasons. Once again thank you for sharing. It helps me. Hugs from afar.

  2. Happy birthday from a reader in Northern California. I admire you greatly.

  3. I've been remiss in keeping up with all my blogs, and I'm sorry I missed this. I'm glad that you have such a loving and supportive relationship with Michael's mother. What a gift that is.

    This coming Sunday is my wedding anniversary, the second one I will NOT get to celebrate with my husband. I'm going away for the weekend with friends, so that I won't spend the day sitting around crying. But I expect there will be tears once I'm home in the evening.

  4. My first wedding anniversary was spent with friends, as it was also without Michael. It is when I started this blog. The second was spent alone, by choice I suppose. But when my daughter showed up with flowers and food, I completely fell apart. It was a cry that needed to happen. I'm glad you will be with friends. It will give you the opportunity to really explore your thoughts and feeling, and have someone there to listen.

    I'll be thinking of you.