You know, there is so much that I don't seem to share these days. I wonder if it is because I am so busy actively doing what I need to be doing, rather than writing about what I'd like to be doing.
I am actually feeling quite integrated into life once again. I have developed a group of friends, many of which know each other, yet mostly I spend time with them individually. I am out several times a week, either having lunch, dinner, walking, or just plain chatting, with friends.
It feels so good to know that there are people around for me to socialize with, and who are eager to do so. I don't feel so isolated anymore. I can stay at home, and still enjoy it for the most part, but I can also be out there having a good time.
So far I am spending my time with my mostly straight friends, having a good time socializing. And for the most part, I seem to have developed a very sensitive, and fun, new group of friends. I started a new job, and I want to continue to help others
I am also actively putting myself out there for potential dating. I'm on a few dating sites, and have corresponded with a few guys. I'm not sure if I will meet a new "man of my dreams" or my "next new husband" as Mike would say, but I am out there connecting to guys, and remaining
open to these connections moving in a romantic direction if it develops.
I am also doing all this with a renewed spirit, and with the attitude that life is too short, so why limit myself. I am giving myself permission to just enjoy life. And, as I was telling a new friend tonight, I don't have too many hang ups in regard to just having a fun time, meaning a casual fling here and there. I will not deny myself any type of pleasure at this time, well, almost any type. I just don't need to be giving myself any type of heavy handed self judgement. Again, life, too short.
so enjoy it.
Tonight's events? A two hour early evening walk through Balboa Park with a friend, then a nice Lebanese dinner.
It's all good. Of course, so much makes me think about Michael, which still brings about a sudden onslaught of tears, but I am back to being comfortable with all of this.
A time of transition back into some sort of new normalcy. You will never forget Mike or stop loving him. I am thankful that time is making things a lil more bareable for you.
ReplyDeleteHugs
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i am glad you are feeling more comfortable. the road is so hard and finding any kind of peace very difficult. peace and love to you, friend.
ReplyDeleteIt was good to see this post. I'd been hoping you would get to this place sometime soon. I think it's where I've been for awhile now, but with less socializing and no dating - but doing other stuff instead, like participating in art exhibits and natural history field work. I know I wasn't at this place a year ago - not quite - but feeling more okay with things lately. still have my moments, especially when I look at a photo of Don and think how weird it is that he is gone, or go somewhere that I know he would have had fun. That will probably never stop, but it also doesn't mean that we have to stop living. If anything, maybe we have learned to be more in the moment, and to not take life so seriously because we understand just how fleeting the whole thing is - especially if you get taken out by the rapture! Hey, Dan, if that happens, I think there's room for a couple of dogs here. Not sure about the cat. though. (-:
ReplyDeleteLove the positive energy you are sending out to the universe. I'm feeling it a little myself these days and it is such a great change. Doesn't mean we miss them any less but the grief is just taking up a smaller part of our lives. Which is exactly what they would want for us! Love to you Dan!!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou said it exactly, life is too short. We know that all too well. Enjoy the great days Dan, you deserve them!
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