I'm contemplating getting laid.
Yes, you read that right.
I suppose it is no surprise to any of you that it has been awhile since my body joined the forces of another, to make a joyful motion, and sing out in passionate unison. Well, let me tell you, it has been a very long time.
What am I waiting for? I'm not getting any younger. If I wait too long, getting laid will start getting very expensive. I'm not talking about paying someone for sex, I'm talking about waiting so long that I then require a hefty investment in erectile dysfunction medication.
Holy Viagra Batman!
I am trying with all my might to get out of this deep depressed mode that I have been in. Nothing seems to work. And perhaps getting laid won't either, but in past bad times, sex often seemed like an easy solution.
In college, if I had a test to study for, or was running late on a paper, and was getting frustrated, and needed a break, well, what to do? Go out and get laid!
When raising my young kids was becoming overwhelming, and I was beginning to feel old, punchy and unattractive. What's the answer? Go out and get laid!
When Michael and I were having an argument, or not seeing eye to eye on something...Get laid!
Grief got you down? Get laid!
No time for a work out? Get laid!
Can't afford a day at the spa? Get laid!
Get the picture?
Now here is my new predicament. Since saying goodbye to my lovely husband, and saying goodbye to a wonderful sex life, I have made my body a bit of an inked road map to my grief. I've got symbolism up my wazoo. Well, actually, I haven't gone that far, but you get my point.
What do I do when that wonderful moment finally occurs? He's softly kissing the back of my neck, and begins to trace the top of my spine, and there it is... M W L
What does M W L mean?
Well, um, those are my late husband initials.
He lets his hand stroke the side of my back, sending a lovely tingling sensation down my body...
What is with this tree? And with the bird flying by?
Well, you see, when I say My Late Husband, well, that means he died, and this is a tree of life, and....
See what I mean. Not exactly the ideal time to be talking about the dead, just when your hormones are starting to rise from the dead.
Talk about killing the moment.
Which all goes to the point being that there will not likely be a casual fuck in my life anytime soon. Either it will have to be in the extreme dark, or we will have had to have some heart to heart conversations about this long journey that I am on. And if by chance I find someone willing to listen as I share this experience with him, then he is not likely the type of person who is looking for a one night stand.
Am I ready for a non-one night stand?
I don't think I want a new, or potentially new relationship right now. But then, when? Will I know when I am ready, or will it just knock me on the head, have it's way with me, and tell me we are on the road to blissful happiness?
I don't know. I don't have all the answers.
I'm just out here trying to get laid!