Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Running in Place
Originally uploaded by Sly420
Today's theme is running.
Gotta Run! Running Away. On the Run!
Any guesses? Well, it's in the form of a spry 11 year old. My son Remy has taken to running away from school as a way of dealing with his frustrations. It's happened twice now, both on late Tuesday mornings. Each time he said he was frustrated with the teachers, who refused to allow him to take a break during class. It's actually a behavior plan the school has with him, only he is supposed to go to another classroom to take a 10 minute breather, not hit the road for a 10K run.
As I have mentioned before, Remy has ADHD, and seasonal affective disorder, and these difficult days in winter are nothing new. Unfortunately, today he forgot to take his ADHD medication, and just spiraled out of control. I wasn't too upset, as it did get me out of the office. I had been sitting at my desk, thinking it was going to be a very long day. My headache is still with me, going on five days now, and I didn't have too much on my to do list.
I gave Remy my usual fatherly talk about not running away from problems. I talked to him about learning to deal with frustrations and disappointments. I tried to help him come up with a better plan, such as asking the office to allow him to call me to talk before taking flight.
In many ways Remy and I are a lot alike. In this way we are not. While I may fantasize about running away from my problems, it goes against my grain. Part of my plan in life is always to face what is in front of me. When I am presented with a difficult situation, I may initially react emotionally, but soon after I am already problem solving. I try to help my kids understand that running away from problems is just a temporary fix. In time the problems will just catch up with you, and by then they are usually compounded.
In my grief process there have been many times that I have thought about walking, or running away, mostly because the process has been much more painful than I expected. In the early months I just wanted a way out. There were so many thoughts that came into my head as ways to escape what I was feeling.
The message here for those that might come to this journey after me, is wait it out. Be willing to feel your grief. Ask for help, especially if you fear the depths of your emotions. I occasionally fall into that dark place from time to time, but at this point I know that I will come out of it. In the past these times could last all night, and I thought I would not survive the night. I realized that at times I didn't want to survive the night. I could have chosen to numb myself, and to run fast, but I'm glad that I didn't. I have learned that there are still going to be very difficult times, and yet by not running away, I now know what it means to be a survivor.
If you have to run, try running in place. It will get you through the moment, but allow you to stay present to your grief.