speechless
Originally uploaded by 【Mr. Oglou】
This morning was a busy one for me. My boys had appointments and classes to get to, and I had a client to see. I was up early, and got most of it done by noon time. My 16 year old has been wanting to start learning Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. I had told him that once he was at home full time that I would enroll him. He recently found a studio, by the beach, where he wanted to enroll. I dropped him off late this morning, then returned toward the end of the lesson, not wanting to cramp his style. It looks like a lot of fun, somewhat like a combination of wrestling and judo.
As I was watching him go through the lesson I was struck by how good the teacher was, both patient, encouraging and funny. When we got home Dante was enthusiastically describing his first lesson to his sister. He was talking about the teacher and asked if I agreed that he was a really nice guy. Without my filter on, I said yes, he also had a great body and beautiful tattoos. Dante quickly rolled his eyes, saying "I don't know anything about that, but..." My daughter and I got a good laugh. Without missing a beat my daughter said, "Daddy, you need to start getting out."
I was quick to remind her that while I may notice good looking guys, I am no where near ready to start going out. I don't think she meant I should start dating or anything, just that I should make an effort to socialize a bit more. And while it is on my mind, socializing that is, It's still in the planning stages.
I know that I have been writing about this recently, and some days I am lonelier than others, yet for the most part I am happy just being at home. By tomorrow I will be desperately lonely again, and will be wishing I had made an effort this weekend. Unfortunately that is the way of my mourning. I'm either isolating myself, or feeling isolated. I'm either wanting solitude, or feeling alone. I'm either missing Michael miserably, or fantasizing about Jiu Jitsu instructors.
Today's post is obviously not a very deep one. It's a nice frame of mind to be in. These are the days that provide me relief from the heavy days. Now I sound like a feminine protection advertisement.
The weather outside is cold. I'm nice and cozy here in my living room, with the help of my fake fireplace. I'm going to see if there is a romantic comedy to watch. Days like this don't come along very often. Days where I feel light in spirit. Maybe I can find a nice Brazilian/martial arts/romantic comedy to settle into.
Speaking of Brazilian...ouch!
stream of consciousness is always nice to get out. as Nilsson wrote, "you don't always have to have a point to have a point." everyone has fantasies whether its Jiu Jitsu instructors or some wild claim of a dragon coming to take them to an island. it's what gets us by when reality is far too harsh to accept. much to harsh to accept.
ReplyDeletei finished a quilt late last night and this morning, i'm taking off. i'm going to make a nice breakfast and watch Timothy Olyphant in "Hitman" and fantasize about my Dragon. good times.