Walking in Heaven

a walk in the clouds...
Originally uploaded by laz'andre

This afternoon my youngest son, and I, returned to Ocean Beach. This time we were prepared to run. It was a beautiful late afternoon, and the sunset was once again gorgeous. But we were not there for the sunset, we were there for some serious running.

For some reason the waves were creating an extreme amount of sea foam. With each rising of the tide, very big cloud like pieces of sea foam would be released. These large clouds would then be carried off by the winds, floating across the shore and sand. It was an amazing feeling of running high up in the sky among the clouds. The wind was wet and cool upon our faces. We felt so alive. After a while we began to look around us and see others running, or playing among the foam cloud like formations. It all felt very magical.

We ran to the end of the beach, which is a considerable distance. Coming back we decided to walk instead. The sun had already retreated for the night, and darkness took it's place. Guiding our way back to where we started was the glow of the moon. The tide was very calm tonight, and it was moving very slowly. With each gravitational force the tide would pull back anywhere from 50 to 100 feet from where it last flowed. With the glow of the moon this created another celestial experience.


walking on clouds
Originally uploaded by Thomas Hartmann

As we walked over the freshly wet sandy shore it had a glass like quality to it. While walking we could see light reflecting up at us. When we looked down we could see remaining remnants of the earlier sea foam slowly moving in swirling formations. The combination of these gave us an experience of walking high above in the heavens. Down below us was the beautiful earth. We could see from our vantage point how the earth moves, with it's seas and land interspersed.

I began walking in further toward the ocean each time the tide was pulled back. It felt like an eternity, and very fragile, as if walking on clear glass. It was so comforting, and soothing with it's calm movement and fresh fragrance. At times the ocean became playful, and chased me back to shore. I ran with my arms stretched out, screaming with joy like an innocent child.

While feeling high above, walking in the heavens, I checked in with Michael. I let him know that I was there enjoying what he would want me to enjoy. I thanked him for encouraging me to get out to the beach once in awhile. I spoke to the deceased spouses of all those I have become familiar with through my blogging. I let them know that we are all here, missing them, loving them, and working hard to keep living. I looked down once again, and saw what they see. They see the beauty of all of us, how we are all part of this great big world. They see our struggles, but they are able to see the bigger picture. Each of our worlds feel so small and claustrophobic at times. When we are hurting, when we are alone, we can feel so small. Because so many of us are left alone, we become very isolated, making our world seem even smaller.

Today's experience opened my eyes to see how much bigger my world can be. How with just a little effort I can experience such openness, such expanse. I can feel one with all of those running in unison across the beach. I can feel one with the ocean and it's waves. I can feel one with the sky above, which allows me to breathe in big breaths of fresh air, and fresh energy so desperately needed. And I can feel all of our loved ones looking down on us, watching over us, reminding us that there is so much out there. We are part of something very big. If we can take a chance at venturing out, we can find ways of feeling attached to the bigger world while also remaining under loving watchful eyes.

This will be a new challenge. I need to remember my experience today. It was a good one. It was life affirming. It fed me, it comforted me, and soothed me. Remember. Remember.

Toward the end of our walk I came upon a perfect sand dollar. I picked it up to investigate it. My son came running up to see what I had. I handed it to him, and he said "just like Mike's sand dollars." You see, Michael has this tin filled with perfect sand dollars that he had picked up along the shore. We have some laying on the vanity in our bathroom, Remy has one in his room, and there are several more still in the tin. When someone would comment about the beautiful sand dollars, Michael would go get his tin, reach into it, and give one away as a gift. Today's sand dollar was a gift from Michael. It was his way of telling me that yes, he is present. I, in turn, gave it as a gift to my son, to remind him of this special evening together.