Saturday, March 27, 2010

Good Cop-Bad Cop

good cop, bad cop
Originally uploaded by

This was a very long day. A long day of driving. I'm no longer used to doing all the driving on road trips. There were many years that I was the only adult, which meant I drove everywhere. In the last few years I was able to share this tiring responsibility with my daughter and Michael. In the last year Michael had to stop driving due to seizure activity, which dropped the drivers down to two. In the last year couple of years my daughter went through two cars, and my insurance has asked that she not drive my car, as it would raise the premium significantly. Which leaves me.

Today was a real struggle to stay awake on the road. But I was happy to do it. That's a lie. I'm so tired of being tired. And, I'm so tired of always needing to be the responsible one. That's kind of a strange thing to say, as a parent. Responsibility is my middle name. Which is also funny to say, as I don't have a middle name. I don't think I have ever met anyone else without a middle name. Talk about always feeling that something is missing from your life. Yeah, how about a middle name?

I'm so frustrated. We were not at my parents home for one hour, and the boys are in the study physically fighting. "Okay you, sit there for a time out, and you, sit over there!" If that was the end of that, it could have still been a nice evening. There is a reason my oldest son has not lived at home for many years. He is not able to always calm down, step back, and listen to the adults around him. Instead of taking space he chose to defy me, over and over again, then push me out of anger. I felt like we were back to where we have been many times before. Over the years, life at home was tough enough, but it was somewhat manageable with support available when we needed it. The serious problems always occurred when we went out of town. My son always had a difficult time maintaining appropriately safe behavior away from home. I thought those days were behind us, as he has been doing so well during this past month. But I suppose the dynamics are too much when away from the safe confines of home.

When the kids are at home they each have their own bedroom to retreat to when temperaments are raised. No such luck when we are away from home. For this reason we don't travel together much as a family. There are just too many negative possibilities, and I am always left without other adult support. My daughter tried to intervene, but when the boys get too far gone, they are usually not open to her intervention. This type of situation makes me want to turn around tomorrow and drive back home.

I can't properly vent about this situation without commenting about how much better this would have gone if Michael was around. He had a very calming effect on the boys, as he could play the good cop. At the time I would get quite frustrated with Michael, as I got tired of always being the bad guy, but I suppose it comes with the territory.

Today, having a good cop around would be nice.

1 comment:

  1. Sorry to hear that Saturday wasn't a good day. Must have been a disappointment as far as getting some rest and relief from recent stresses. I hope that Sunday turns out to be much better.