Friday, March 26, 2010

Two, Becomes One

down this lonely road
Originally uploaded by
Rodrigo Adonis

Tomorrow I will be driving down to southern California with my kids. It is their spring break, and we have decided to visit my folks. I haven't been down to see them since last October, when I went for a weekend visit alone. My parents had been ill around the time of Michael's passing, so they were not able to be with me. In their place my three brothers came to offer their support.

I will be taking my trustworthy laptop with me, and hope to continue blogging through the week. We will stay with my parents for a few days, then go off by ourselves for a couple of days in the sun, and have some rest and relaxation.

I hope.

When you are traveling with kids, my kids especially, they want to be entertained. I will be trying to find that balance between the kids having a fun time, and Dad getting some rest.

To be honest, I'm a little apprehensive about the visit. Since Michael's death I have had a difficult time being around couples. They make me face the fact that I am alone. Namely, alone without Michael. To keep from feeling the intensity of this, I have managed to spend most of my time without socializing. When I am with my family, this won't be possible.

My parents have been married for 54 years. My three brothers have been married anywhere from 10 to 25 years, maybe more. These past few years felt wonderful to share with my family. Even though Michael was sick for a good portion of it, we were able to spend lots of time with my family, as a couple, which I loved. My brothers, and their wives, all took to Michael right away. They, and my parents, were finally able to see me quite happy in a relationship. I was finally able to not always be the single person in the room. Somehow I felt like my family was able to see me in a new light, as being part of a loving and committed gay couple.

Growing up as gay Latino Catholic young man, I never imagined that I would one day have the opportunity to legally marry the man that I loved, and who loved me. I also never imagined that I would have the love and support of each member of my family, including my folks, present at my wedding. It was likely, the most wonderful day of my life. And, just like the day Michael died, it was one that I will never forget.

It's funny, when you get married, it is often said that "the two shall be as one." What God has joined, no man can separate. Yet in death, what was joined, is now separated.

Two, becomes one. A whole new meaning.


  1. Dan, I hope you have a relaxing and peaceful vacation with your children and the rest of your family. I can completely identify with the pain that comes from being around couples. It doesn't matter who the couple is, all I feel is anguish that Austin is not beside me, laughing with me, winking at me when he knows what I'm thinking, touching my shoulder etc. when I'm around couples. All those little couple things which used to bring us comfort and joy become so pronounced and obviously absent when we're around other couples. I hope you find a way to find peace amongst couples. And if you find a way to feel peace, please let us know what it is!

    Enjoy the sunshine. Love Debbie

  2. Hope you have a wonderful weekend, Dan. What Debbie said - yes, all true. I feel the same way. It's hard.

  3. Perhaps seeing your parents together won't be too bad as, they've always been together. You are use to seeing them together ever since you were a little boy. Seeing your brothers with their wives will be more difficult. I just hope you and the kids have a good time and you find moments of peace during your week.