Sunday, December 27, 2009
Originally uploaded by mrhansen9
Despair - (verb) to abandon hope; give up hope; lose heart;
At what point does life turn around? At what point does our sense of despondence change?
What is the goal here? Am I a victim of circumstance? Was there a divine plan here?
What do I do with all my love for my spouse, my partner, now that he is gone?
How do I get through the night without his warm body next to mine?
Will I ever experience a day without tears?
What is it I'm supposed to look forward to?
Does he know my pain? Does he hear my cries?
If I reach out in my sleep, is he there?
Am I doing this right? Is honesty really the best policy? Should I just lie to myself and others about my pain?
Will I one day awake without this emptiness within me, around me, before me?
How will I know when I have moved on, found understanding, become at peace with, accepted, learned to live with, learned to live without...?
Will my sense of self be different? When I look in the mirror will I recognize myself? Will I have age quickly? Will my hair turn completely white?
Will I ever look at life the same? Will I ever allow myself to be optimistic?
Will I even care?
Will I want love again? Will I trust it? Will it feel like a betrayal?
Does the heart truly mend?
Will I ever not be in despair?