Thursday, December 3, 2009
originally uploaded by Nowordz.
Tonight is a night of gratitude. This has been a difficult week for me. I have found myself in tears several times each day. There have been moments where I have felt unable to mask my grief while at work. It can get to the point of feeling a sense of panic, as if I cannot breathe. I recognize that there are going to be times, and places, where I need to maintain composure. I also recognize that I self impose certain rules about where I should and should not allow my tears to flow. I wish I could change this about myself, and perhaps in time this is changing.
What I am learning this week, is that I need to break away from this male ego trip about being strong in "public." In feeling less in control of my emotions these past few days, I have allowed myself to better benefit from the comfort that others want to provide. This comfort has come from so many sources, from people just passing my way, to old friends, to co-workers, and especially from those of you who are also grieving.
To all of you, I give you my humbled gratitude.
I'm finding that I am short on words tonight. I'm feeling exhausted from little sleep, a very busy schedule, and a lot of mental self-examination.
Once again, thank you for being present to me this week.