Lonely Widow(er)s Wanted, All Encouraged to Apply

Help Wanted
Originally uploaded by Melissa Gorostiza

Being that I am currently dipping my feet into the job market, I got to wondering, what type of ad would encourage me to apply? Now of course I am looking for a job, and I suppose I should be searching the web for one right now. I can't just stop with the first job I came across. Right?

I have also been thinking this...some days I get a lot of visitors to my blog. Some stay and read awhile, others do a bit of a fly by. I have my regular net-friends, and I have my regular chat pals who leave comments, but I also receive many who appear to leave as quickly as they arrived.

What happens? Am I not what they were looking for? Was the blog not about the subject they expected? Were they looking for a male point of view, but not a gay one? Were they looking for a younger point of view, but not a young middle aged guy? Was the Latin flavor a bit too spicy for their taste? Are my posts too long? Is my hair too short? Okay, get my drift?

These are the crazy things that go through my mind when I finally come up for air. Earlier I was thinking that it would be interesting to conduct a bit of a social study. I could begin a few different blogs, with different identities, but with almost identical content, and see which one picks up the most steam. I sometimes wonder if we limit ourselves by seeking those that are most like us. I also wonder if we look for commonalities because we don't seem to find anyone like us.

When I first started this blog, I thought it was a way to reach out to other widow(er)s who identified as gay or lesbian, and who might feel a bit marginalized. Some have come and gone, but currently we are a rare breed in the world of grief related blogs. Actually, I might be it. Perhaps I'm extinct, but didn't get the memo.

When I look at the group of people I have come to know well through the blog, I get a sense of many feeling like a bit of a nomad. Some have chosen to hit the road, some had to move out due to extenuating circumstances, some yearn to be transported to far off galaxies, and some just think it might be nice to rest in the shadow of a large palm tree in San Diego. Perhaps what ties this group is a sense of isolation, or a sense of needing to reach out. I have previously discussed feeling like an outsider in many ways. Is that what joins us? I have sometimes noticed that my phone doesn't ring very often. Is it simply a matter of us paying our phone bills? What is it?

I know that I have had the good fortune to meet, by way of the written exchange, many wonderful and struggling people. There are many ways in which I identify with these individuals, and there are many ways that I see our differences. What I do feel though, is that we all welcome each other into our blog worlds. We encourage each other to lean on us, and to accept the mutual support.

I know there are many people who read the blogs each day. I often wonder if some feel like they may not have something to contribute, but I know that is not true. Today's post is a calling out to each of you. It's my way of saying everyone who visits is welcome. Everyone is encouraged to quietly read if that is what they need. And, everyone is encouraged to share their thoughts, no matter what your journey is, or what your journey looks like, or how you identify.

So here is a bit of a starter. My title says "lonely widow(er)s wanted," but you don't have to be one to share. The fact that you take an interest in our struggle, is enough for me to say "welcome." Even if you were looking for the video of the film "Dan in real life" and you got "Dan, in real time," you are welcome to stay and chat.

So...What brings you here? If you are grieving...What do you find online that you can identify with? And, what is it that you may not have found quite yet? Are there parts of your experience that still makes you feel like you are still searching for members of your lost tribe?

Please...share.