♪♫♪ The sun will come out tomorrow ♪♫♪
Originally uploaded by cattycamehome
First off. Thanks to all those who left comments regarding last night's post. It was one of those evenings where I question whether I should be taking the time to post. It was a typical, if not less seldom, painful night of grieving. On nights like that I wonder if I should just post some short explanation about not being available to write, or do as I did, and describe exactly what was happening, in real time.
I think it comes down to being vulnerable. The guy in me, not like I have an inner woman, tells me to buck up, and not share with the world when I am knocked down by my grief. I also look carefully at my intentions, careful not to be overtly seeking sympathy from the crowd. But in the end I remind myself of the commitment I made to myself about this blog. Of writing in real time. I also remind myself that I have developed a great community of support here, and why not look to all of you during these challenging moments.
But to those who might fear drowning during one of these undertows, in my experience, I always wake up the next morning feeling much better, and with a renewed perspective. This is how I choose to walk through my grief. I purposely walk through it with my eyes wide open, and my heart bare, and vulnerable. I am of the belief that we should not run or hide from such pain. We should safely pace ourselves, but be willing to go through it. Anything that we choose to skip, or to turn away from, will only catch up with us later. I think that trying to sort it out later can be very difficult. You might lose the perspective that you would have today. When I am in pain presently, I clearly know why. It is raw, but it is also in clear correlation with where I am on my own time line of living through this loss.
For some reason the song from Annie keeps playing in my head. "The sun will come out tomorrow"...blah blah blah. "So I got to hang on till tomorrow, come what may." I guess you use what gets you through. If it takes the sun rising to shine a light on things so that you have a different perspective, then that's what you depend on. If it takes a little red headed curly mopped girl to sing you out of the darkness, then so be it. For me, I just need to go through what I need to go through. I have done this long enough now to know that while tonight may feel endlessly painful, tomorrow is indeed a new day.
"Tomorrow, Tomorrow, I love ya, Tomorrow, your always a day a way."