Tuesday, January 12, 2010

A Gift From Michael

He always had good timing.

I don't remember where we got this CD, it may have just been on a quick shopping trip to Target, but it is one that brought us many tranquil nights. The CD is called Tao, Music for Relaxation.

For most of the second year of Michael's tumor, he was slowly becoming forgetful. He would often misplace things. I would see him looking around for something, and say, "what is it this time dear." He would smile, and tell me what was missing. At times he would purposefully put something important to him, in an "important place," but then forgot where that was. Eventually we established the "Important Drawer" where all such things went. He would still sometimes forget to look there, but I could always easily direct him there.

Life isn't perfect, and certainly our method didn't always work. At times things still ended up where we didn't expect them to. One day, our cherished CD went missing. We looked everywhere. When Michael became bed ridden, I played continuous healing music. It really gave our bedroom, and his spirit, a true sense of calmness. During that time, and all these months that have followed, I would get it into my mind to once again scour the land for the CD. Tonight, without even thinking about it, I reached up on our CD shelf, and pulled down a case where Michael kept all the CD's he'd copied to take on trips. He never wanted to take originals in the event that they were lost. As I was casually going through the CD's, there it was.

I needed this gift so badly. You would think I had found the Holy Grail. Holding the CD gently in my hands, and feeling it's weight in gold, a smile began reshaping my face. A moment later, laughter.

Tao, Music for Relaxation.

"Inspired by the Taoist principles of simplicity and balance, these soothing soundscapes invite reflection, meditation and relaxation."



  1. i am glad you found the CD. my own personal retreat from the anxiety of living music is Gregorian Chants. the voices harmonizing, the latin, it's calming to me.

    i wish none of us were feeling this pain. i wish we were with our spouses living our lives with no need for a candle to burn unless we wanted it; with no need for healing music unless we were settled in with together with our spouses for an evening in.

    you are in my heart and thoughts.

  2. What a glorious gift to come across the CD in this way. My life is finally becoming a little less crazy and you have inspired me to start playing more music when I am at home. I have started to light some candles and they have been lifting the winter gloom.

    I was very touched by your recounting of Michael losing his memory. It is very draining to care for a loved one and I found that I had to grieve that too - the time spent, my exhaustion, the fact that we weren't living a "normal" life during those years...

  3. What a wonderful gift from Michael. May the music bring you peace and soothing memories as you get wrapped in the relaxing sounds. I have had a hard time listening to a lot of music since Austin died. We used to have music on a lot and now we don't. It just seems to bring a lot of pain and sadness - even the songs that I think should be uplifting. I'm going to try tonight to find a soothing, relaxing CD. You've inspired me. Thank you!



  4. I have come across the smallest, least expensive, simplest of things, and they too have warmed my heart. I believe that we find things as we need them, that we remember precious memories when we need them too.

    Maybe if you play it, you can sleep a little easier. That's my wish for you today.


  5. I am so glad you found the CD. I clicked on it and listened and it was very soothing. Your finding it was your today gift from Michael.

  6. Hi Jude.

    Thank you for your comment. I've seen you on some of the other blogs, and I feel very honored that you stopped by.