Monday, January 4, 2010
Walking with Boo
~ shared journey ~
Originally uploaded by alicepopkorn
An anniversary (from the Latin anniversarius, from the words for year and to turn, meaning (re)turning yearly; known in English since c. 1230) is a day that commemorates and/or celebrates a past event that occurred on the same day of the year as the initial event. For example, the first event is the initial occurrence or, if planned, the inaugural of the event. One year later would be the first anniversary of that event. The word was first used for Catholic feasts to commemorate saints.
1 : to call to remembrance
2 : to mark by some ceremony or observation
3 : to serve as a memorial of
Tonight, and for the next couple of days I want to walk along side Boo. Like myself, and many others, Boo lost the love of her life in 2009. These next couple of days mark significant anniversaries for her.
As widows and widowers, we are often advised by others that the first year will be especially difficult, as it is the year of firsts. The "year of firsts," meaning first Valentine's Day without them, first Birthday without them, first Wedding Anniversary without them...
Being new to this, all I can say is that every anniversary thus far has been met with sorrow and pain. And in this year of firsts, way are all painfully aware of how this year will end, the anniversary of their death. In looking ahead I know that for me it will not just be the actual day of Michael's death that is difficult, it will include the anniversary of the dying process. There is that point when our loved one suddenly took ill. Or, if they had a terminal illness, such as Michael, there is that point when we knew that they were actively dying. It was a time when we felt utterly helpless, and experienced our true Love's life slip through our hands.
As you see in the beginning of this post, I did my google search, in true Dan form. I do this for a specific reason. Often as I prepare to write a post on a particular subject I want to really understand the true definition of a word I previously used in casual conversation. When you are grieving, nothing feels casual. Everything can feel very intense, yet distant and numbing at the same time. It helps me to break the word down, then break down what it is I'm experiencing.
As you see, the word anniversary, though often thought of in terms of a happy celebration on the date that an important event occurred, it actually has it's roots in the observance, or commemoration of saints. Now I'm not inferring that Boo's true love was a saint, and neither was Michael, thank God. What I am saying is that our spouses were central in our life, and commemorating their departure from this life is of great significance.
As a bit of an aside regarding this line of thinking, there is something that I feel others should understand. I'll explain this from my personal point of view. On September 13, 2009 Michael left this world, this life. As a result I feel like I am no longer whole. Yet, at the same time I don't feel as though Michael has left me. His love for me remains the same, and my love for him remains active. That is why each of these remembrances, opportunities to commemorate them, becomes very important to us. If you remember a significant day about our loved one, please share it with us. It will warm our hearts. It may bring us joyous tears. They are always on our mind, and it is a gift to us to know they are also on yours.
So here's to Boo, and to the man that gifted her with his love.
And, for both of them, I dedicate this video and song: