Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Got to boogie

4/365 Boogie board
Originally uploaded by

Today's post has an accompanying song, which you will find at the top of my playlist.

Well, the boys and I have a new passion. Being that we now live about 10 minutes from the beach, we are there just about every other day. Whenever we have a spare couple of hours we jump in the car, and head off to one of the nearby beaches. The car is officially a mess, covered with sand, and always filled with three boogie boards, folding chairs, beach towels and sun screen. We have traded in our usual San Francisco summer cold weather clothes for board shorts and flip flops.

Today we got in the car and drove around Balboa Park, just taking a look at a new section of the park, but it was too busy, so we headed off back to the beach. Once at the beach I realized that I had left without my wallet, or any money in my pocket. We usually like to stop for a treat on our way back. Fortunately, my car is usually filled with loose change here and there. I looked everywhere in the car, and in the end came up with just over three dollars. We stopped at a 7-Eleven, and each had a budget of $1. to buy the perfect snack. The boys thought this was a lot of fun. They went up and down the isles, pointing out what could be had for one dollar. When something was over a dollar they would let out a big sigh. I finally said enough was enough, pick out your budget treat, and let's get back home.

This evening was my yoga group. I decided that since the family car was so dirty, and on empty, that I would take Michael's car to my class. It has been parked in the garage for the most part. It felt great driving his car to my class, and made me feel a different kind of energy than that with the family car. My yoga class was great as usual. When class was over, I headed back to the car, and as I opened the door to get into the car, an overwhelming feeling of Michael's presence took hold of me. I sat in the seat, looked around me, and fell apart. I just sat there sobbing, and continued to cry all the way home.

I find that much of my days lately, especially with the move, are filled with pleasant distractions. It is not often that I think much about my grief. Perhaps it is becoming more integrated into my psyche, and I don't have to think about it too much. Yet, it is always lurking below the surface. And, like the waves that I find myself boogieing to most afternoons, it can easily wash over me, or pull me under. I don't try to fight it, or control it. I just allow myself to be carried, then swim my way back to where, or what, I was doing.

1 comment:

  1. Wow, just 10 minutes to the beach! That's really quite neat. I fear I'd be there all the time if it were me. Sounds like the boys and you are getting in some quality time together. Excellent.

    I believe you're right about how grief can become integrated into our psyche - or just becomes a part of our everyday life. Although I think I'm doing fairly well, I think tears come at least 3 or 4 times a day - just for a few seconds as some thought or another appears from time to time throughout my day. I don't fight it off - in fact, I think it's okay - maybe even good to be thinking of Don. Why not? He was such a part of my life that it's only natural that I think of him from time to time each day.