Attention Whore

No clever stories to tell tonight. Just a very long day, moving slowly through the thick air of my existence.

My day started out very nicely. I had a job interview that I was actually looking forward to. I got a good vibe off the person who initially called me to request an interview. As I was searching for the building I started to worry about making this move back into active employment. My life has significantly slowed down these past six weeks, and I would say that the new pace agrees with me, and I with it.

Anyway, I got to the interview, and sat before three individuals, placed across a very large table. They said they had 15 questions in all, five each. I thought to myself, How did I get so lucky? Many people would find this situation a bit intimidating, but not me. I love to talk about my experience, and about what I would like to do for their agency. But most of all, I love talking to other adults. How often does that really happen for me? I was answering all their questions, yet also throwing in some of my humor, and had them laughing during the interview. It was marvelous.



I was sitting there at the table, thoroughly enjoying myself, and thought, I need to interview for a lot more jobs. I would never be lonely again! When I am at home, I do get the occasional five minute contact with each of my sons, who always have lovely things to say, and quite often stop to give me a hug, but then they are off to their rooms, playing whatever the hell they were playing. Just short little sound bites. But hey, I'm not complaining. If it weren't for them, I would be spending all of my time talking to my dog and cat.

Earlier in the week I went to a friends for dinner. She was so gracious, and asked me so many good questions about how I am doing, how the kids were, and about my blogging and widowed community. It was also one of those rare opportunities where I was in heaven. An active listener, right there in front of me. I couldn't get enough of her attention, and willingness to exchange thoughts with me.

After leaving my friends home on Monday night, and the interview this morning, I realized that I am quickly becoming an attention whore. I'll take any opportunity that comes my way. You don't have to offer me much. Throw some food in front of me and you can have your way with me. Tempt me with a possible job in the future and I will be your love slave. You see, I need to have that attention. I need to talk out loud. It doesn't take much to satisfy me. You don't even have to be all that interested in what I am saying. Just nod your head, and tell me to go on with what I am saying, and I will sell you my soul. Oh yes, it's that bad.

I worry that I will soon become like many of the senior citizens that spend way to long in the check out line, wanting to share stories with the cashier. Or do lots of shopping for things I don't really need, just to have the opportunity to exchange words out loud with another adult. If the person is real friendly with me I can stretch out my hand to shake theirs when I say what a pleasure it was to speak with them. And the minute my hand comes in contact with theirs, well, it's almost better than sex. Well, maybe that's a stretch, but when your not getting any sex, a simple hand shake can awaken all those stored away endorphins that have been not been launched by the brain in a very long time.



I'm pathetic! Look what's become of me. How did I get here? Am I that easy?

You bet your sweet ass I am!

Wait a minute, this isn't what I was going to write about.