Friday, August 6, 2010

Live from Camp Widow

It’s 11:52 pm, and the local widowed natives have pretty much turned in for the night. Yes, some are lingering in the bar. How would I know? Okay, so there I sit as well. I’m a night owl, who doesn’t usually turn off the light at night until at least 1am.

It’s been a wonderful day. I can’t tell you how great it feels to put my arms around so many people I have connected with online over the past 10 months. It’s surreal, and it’s perfect. There is an instant camaraderie with each other.

I arrived early this afternoon, around 2pm, to attend a volunteers training. I then spent the afternoon helping register the many participants. It was such a joy to do this along side Boo. As the attendees would approach there was such a great expanse of emotions, and all were perfectly acceptable. Some were terrible nervous, not knowing what to expect. Some were in tears, moved by the reality of coming into this oasis of connectivity. Others were filled with smiles and laughter, knowing they were home with like minded friends. That is where I find myself. It has been a day of joy. Joy in true understanding. I, with many others, have this opportunity to be among those that get us, to share our stories, to use our sick sense of humor, and to feel the collective sense of support.

I look forward to tomorrow, when we will be attending the various workshops. This will give me the opportunity to learn from those that have walked this path before me. It will also provide the opportunity to meet new people, and to benefit from listening to them. These are my peers, and I truly want to know them, and to hear their stories.

I know that I am a very fortunate person. I have this opportunity that many other widowed people could benefit from. My only hope is that I will at some point be able to share with others that which I have learned. It is my hope that somehow I will later be in the position to reach out and help others who find themselves new to the grieving process. This is something I feel compelled to do.

Tonight I am mindful of the fact that I am here because I lost the love of my life. He provided me with all the love and affection that I wanted for most of my adult life. He proved to me that I was worthy of true love, and that love prevails, even in such challenging adversity.

Something that I am also very aware of tonight is how far I have come in these past 11 months. Don’t get me wrong, I am still a very wounded person, but I am also a person who knows that the worst is over. I have gone through the period of time that I had no interest in the life that is going on around me. Someone asked me tonight why I decided to move to San Diego. I answered quite honestly. It was either death or move. Just three months ago I contemplated taking my life. I felt there was nothing worth living for. My heart felt so broken and trampled on. Then before I knew it, the sun came up, and I knew that I would get through another day.


  1. It all sounds so very nice, Dan. Aided by your description, somehow I can imagine what it must be like to be there. Oh, and to meet Boo and work with her at the registration area. How cool is that?!! (-:

    I can't wait to hear more about the workshops. I'm sure you'll both take something home, but also contribute to them through your own experiences. Also, yes, you will have much to share with everyone after. And yes, you've come so far in the past 11 months. I see it in your blog each day.

    Dorthea - if you see this message - if you want ideas for places to travel after leaving that part of California, don't be shy to email me for ideas of places to go, good campgrounds, etc... I have traveled all over California, Arizona, Oregon and much of Utah, Idaho, and Nevada over several seasons now and know of many good places to see neat stuff and camp as a woman traveling alone. Again, just ask if you need info on travel in any of those states.

    oh, the captcha this time in "jingeist". I love the sound of it - I think it needs a definition!

  2. Great description of our first evening, Dan. It was so wonderful to meet you and spend time getting to know you in person. You are as amazing as I knew you would be. See you soon!

  3. thank you dan - you sound radiant ! I am sure that Michael would be happy to see you living again and encircled with genuine support.

  4. I am so happy you are there and got to meet, among others, Boo and WomanNShadows--I have worried so about her. I am also enjoying the pictures that Boo enters on FB. Have a wonderful time--so glad the sun has come out for you. I think Michael would be so pleased.