Thursday, June 17, 2010

Passing the time away.

Relax... (explored)
Originally uploaded by

I'm sitting here in the early evening, just having got home from work and an appointment for my youngest son. Rather than wait to write later tonight, like my recent pattern, I thought I would get to it early for a change. I haven't been giving myself enough time to sleep at night, and am starting to feel the consequences of my actions.

I'm feeling a bit stuck, in regard to the planned move. I haven't given notice at my job, as I haven't heard anything about the job I interviewed for. I know they said it would be some time before I heard anything, but I'm beginning to feel less optimistic as time goes on. The part of me that is more cautious it telling me that I should carefully consider the costs of moving to southern California without a job. Our medical insurance alone will be a significant portion of my monthly expenditures should a job not come through soon. I also worry about the poor job market, and although I have plenty of job skills, I am beginning to worry that I might be seen as the 'old dog,' that needs to learn some new tricks. I don't necessarily think of myself as old, but I am well aware that anyone wanting someone to hire a new employee may not want someone who is on the back slide of the employment to retirement slope.

Monday I fly down to San Diego to look for a house. If I find a good deal, I will likely go ahead and take it. That will probably be the catalyst for me taking the final plunge at work. I am trying to aim for a mid July move, which means within the next four weeks. I continue to feel like this is the right move for me, and the idea is helping me to sustain this positive outlook that has been gracing my vision.

I know that this post doesn't exactly address direct issues of grief, but isn't that a nice change? I almost feel a bit bored with myself, and feeling a need to spice things up a bit. I suppose another way to describe this current state of being is that I am doing well. I can feel it in everything I do.

So, for those of you that are not feeling as fortunate as I feel today, trust me when I say, that there will be some easier days ahead. They are not necessarily very happy days, but those will come in time. Sometimes it's nice to just not have a difficult day.

On days like this, it's nice to just pass the time away.

1 comment:

  1. Yes, it is good to be able to just pass the time away when you have a chance and feel inclined. Looking back from where I am now, I sort of recall there coming a time when I got tired from the sadness, anger and frustration, and just slowed down and took a break - sort of like how a bird trapped in a building will fight like hell for a long time, and then stop and rest for awhile. While it's resting, it realizes the right way to get out and is able to leave or even come and go when it feels like it.

    I hope you get some word on the SD job soon. It's a bit of a leap of faith to go down there without something confirmed at the other end, especially due to health insurance costs (not something we give too much thought to up here). It will be interesting to hear how things go with your house hunt. As you wrote, that may (or may not) prove to be the catalyst in deciding your next move from this point onward.