Friday, June 4, 2010

Thank you for being a friend.

I was so saddened yesterday to hear that Rue McClanahan had died. We here, at my house, are big time "Golden Girls" fans. For years I have enjoyed the humor, great acting, and perfect comedic timing of all the Golden Girls. They each brought such individual charisma to the show, and to this day, someone is always watching their show throughout week in my home, especially my daughter.

Today, after work, I came directly down to my bedroom to relax, and to work on the new support group I am starting for gay widowers. Just a bit ago I decided to go back up for a bit of a break, and found my daughter watching back to back episodes of the 'Girls' on the WE network. I sat down to watch with her, and found that the episode playing was "Mrs. George Devereaux," where Blanche (Rue) was having these recurrent dreams of her deceased husband. In her dream Blanche finds that she has a secret admirer. When she finds out who the secret admirer is, she is shocked to learn that it is George, her husband that died nine year prior. I don't remember if they say how this happened, but the focus of the story line is that Blanche is feeling so many mixed emotions. She and Rose both talk about how they never got to say goodbye to their deceased husbands because of their unexpected deaths. In the dream Blanche is torn about whether to see George or not. She is feeling so angry to find out that he never died. Yet in this recurrent dream, Rose tells her that she would give anything to have her husband back, if even for a single moment.

Toward the end of the episode Blanche has her recurrent dream once again. In her dream she is able to make peace with George. She is able to forgive him for being gone all this time. He is able to forgive her for the things she feels guilty about. In the end, Blanche and George share an embrace, and she wakes up. The other 'Girls' gather around her when they hear her talking in her sleep. Blanche shares with them that even though it has been nine years, she still misses him so much. She talks about how painful it has been to have this same dream night after night, yet this particular night it ended differently. She got to hold him, and be held by him. She wraps her own arms around herself tightly, and says that she can still feel his embrace. The scene ends with Blanche saying goodnight to the 'Girls.' She lays back down in her bed, and reaches over to "his side of the bed." Her hand gently caresses his pillow, she smiles, and drifts back to sleep.

I have never consciously remembered seeing Michael in any of my dreams since he died. Recently I woke up feeling that he was present during one of my dreams, yet there was no visual to support it. But just feeling his essence, or his presence, brought me immediately to tears. I look forward to a time when I do find him in a dream. And, I too, like Blanche, would love to feel his embrace, for one last time. Until then, I will also continue to reach out to his side of the bed, and wait for that sense of peace to wash over me as well.


  1. i would write something but i am crying too hard. may we all find such peace. good-night, Rue.

  2. Rue had such a terrific smile.
    Dan, I hope you do have one of those dreams just like Blanche.

  3. this song showed up for me today (with the guitar sounding so much like matt's - man I miss that sound), wanted to share, in case you don't know it -
    love is our cross to bear, John gorka I think.