I'm not quite sure how to approach my post today. I started out with a Thanksgiving list, then nixed the idea. Perhaps I'll go back to the list later in the day, as in a concerto, this day will have many movements.
I got up somewhat early today, made a pot of coffee, then returned to our bedroom. I put on some instrumental music that Michael loved to hear. It is what I played for him over and over in his last days. I hadn't been able to listen to it since then, but felt like today would be the right time. As I read others' posts, and begin writing my own, I am comforted by the soothing music.
I love being in our bedroom. It is something that Michael and I planned, and created together. The colors are very monochromatic gray, and the furniture a dark espresso brown. Our windows look out over the garden filled with quite a variety of flowering plants. Taking center stage is our Buddha, and off to the side is the fountain that provides relaxing sound of gurgling water. Our bedroom is in what is considered the basement, so it is cool and calm. On our walls are inspiring images, a drawing of Jesus as shepherd, a strong masculine angel, black and white photos of walkways in cities around the world, and an engagement picture of me holding Michael with a very pensive look on our faces. On the bookshelves are the books we read, binders filled with the business of our lives, CD's, photo albums with our memories together, and others of his life before. In the upper shelves are mementos from our wedding, and the pocket watch he gave me for my 50th birthday. In the middle shelf, which feels cradled by all of this richness, is Michael's urn, where his ashes sit in testament to the the life he lived.
Our bedroom feels like church to me. It invites me in. It contains a richness of history, yet gives the promise of new life. There is a presence in church that it undeniable. I can go there to be comforted when in pain, and I can also be there is celebration. Within those walls, within these walls, I know that I am never alone.
Here is a beautiful song that touched my heart today.
James Blunt- "Cry"