Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Rough Patch

As has always been the case, when ever I am dealing with something serious, as in Michael's illness, or significant, as in our wedding, or any type of anniversary, my son Dante has a very difficult time. This always plays out in a very emotionally trying way.

I'm feeling like I am at a crossroads with my son. He has spent most of his life living is residential care due to his emotional problems. These are very challenging problems, as he is the last person to truly understand his issues, or he is unwilling to face them. As he has become older his good days are remarkably much better, but his difficult days are worse.

I'm having to begin considering that I might not be able to handle having him at home. This reality is challenging me emotionally, as it isn't just that he has his problems, it is also that I don't feel capable of addressing them to the extent they require. I am hoping, and praying, that this rough period will change. I hope that once he is more secure in his new environment, and I am less focused on him, that we can find a rhythm that works better.

It's interesting that his issues, coupled with the found dog, have both converged on this time when I would have expected to be drowning. Yet due to both of their high needs, my focus, good and bad, is not on my grief. It is troubling, because this often happens. I know there will be plenty of time to finish feeling what needs to be felt during this week, but for now, I'll accept where things are.

As for an update with the little doggy, I followed Carolyn's advice, and did get him a remedy. I put it in his water, and although he hasn't drank too much of it, I think it will help. I also introduce him to our dog, Ranger, this afternoon. Most of the evening was spent supervising their getting to know each other session. They both did very well. After watching Ranger freely interact with me, little doggy is now allowing me to pet him, and desperately wants to sit on my lap, but gets too scared when ever he attempts this. I think once I stop typing he will be settled next to me for the night.

I put an ad on Craiglist regarding the found dog. I have had no responses so far. So, tomorrow we will spend day three together, and see where the day takes us.


  1. I have a feeling that you might be keeping the dog. Am such a strong believer that people, animals and things come into our lives when we need them and perhaps they need us too.

    I wish you strength for dealing with your son's issues, and wish him strength too. What a worry. I can't imagine having to deal with kids on top of everything else in my life. In one respect I wish I'd had Cliff's children, and on the other hand I feel relieved that I didn't. I'm barely coping as it is!

    Keep us posted on the dog xxx

  2. Single parenting is so very difficult. I don't pretend to know what your issues are but I had a melt down last night and know the despair and loneliness that come with facing issues on your own, with no back up. I pray you find the strength you need to make the decision that's right for you and your family.

    And I agree with Boo. I'm betting the dog has a name the next time we hear about him :)

    Love to you.