Saturday, September 4, 2010
Left Side of Bed for Rent.
Earlier I sent an email to a new Internet friend, sharing with him about a real restlessness that I am feeling. I get this way every night lately. I am back to where I don't go to sleep any earlier than two in the morning. I'm not doing anything of particular interest, just wasting time, and not wanting to sleep. I am actually feeling quite tired after several of these nights, yet as before, sleep holds little value to me once again.
I think my bed has returned to being that place where I am unpleasantly reminded that Michael is not here, and that I am alone. For awhile there I was doing better in this area. I had kind of hit my stride in finding my bed more relaxing, and beginning to enjoy having the added space. I was using both sides of the bed for sleep, and not relying on that pile of pillows to occupy that Michael-less space.
So now it's time to stop whining about this sleeping alone problem, and finally do something about it. I have decided to post a personal ad in order to once, and for all, fill the vacancy.
Are you tired of sleeping alone?
Do you find that there is more than enough space next to you for someone else?
Did someone once occupy that space, and leave you?
Not to worry, it happens. I know that you are likely feeling alone in this, and I'm sorry to have to confirm this, because if you are reading this, and nodding you head, well, you are alone.
You are not likely the only person to be alone in their bed right now. Many people sleep alone. Some even prefer it. Remember Ricky and Lucy? They were happily married, but for many years we saw them get into separate beds. Why you may ask? Well, I suspect that Lucy needed her beauty rest, and being married to a hot Latin lover can have it's downsides. Well, a downside if he is keeping you up all night and you need to be up early in the morning.
What? You don't like to sleep alone? You are a victim of being left alone in your bed? Well, I sympathize with you. It can't be easy to suddenly stop sharing your bed with someone you loved. It also can't be easily to stop sharing your bed with someone you just kind of liked.
Now, ask yourself, what am I looking for in someone to share my bed at night? This is not necessarily an easy question to answer. Imagine that you were in a difficult relationship, one where you often went to be angry. It couldn't have been easy, or very pleasant, to have to share your bed under these circumstances. What about if you shared your bed with someone you really loved? Under this circumstance you would likely be looking to share your bed for very specific reasons. Right?
Can we be candid here? Of course we can, this is just between you and I. Nobody else is reading, which I'd like you to keep in mind when you respond to this ad. Let's talk about what exactly went on in that bed that might have been pleasant. What? There were things that happened there that you would describe as beyond pleasant? Well, can I just say that you now have me blushing. Let's just make a quick reference list of the top 10 most memorable things that occurred in that bed. Would that be okay?
Top 10 events that occurred in our bed.
1. Slept together for the first time as a married couple. How wonderful. I have a little confession to make. My husband and I slept in that bed together long before that wedding night. I'd like to keep that a secret between close friends though. I can trust you right?
2. Had sex together for the first time. Okay, maybe we jumped the gun, and didn't quite make it to the house that first time, but you know what I mean. When ever that first time happened in the bed, well, it was certainly special.
3. Conceived our first child. Maybe this happened for you, but try as we may, over and over again, we were never able to conceive. We never quite figured out what the problem was. Who can be bothered with such questions when you are so busy enjoying yourself, right?
4. Waking up next to the person you love. Because I had kids at home, nobody shared my bed unless I knew it was a serious relationship. And, nobody shared my bed unless my kids knew it was a serious relationship.
5. Breakfast in bed. No, my husband Michael never made me breakfast in bed. The sweet little fucker liked to sleep in too much, but I'm not bitter. I remember one morning, probably Father's Day, my youngest son decided to make breakfast for Michael and I. He had seen us cook pancakes on a black griddle we placed on top of the stove many times. Unfortunately, the griddle was kept right next to the plastic cutting board, which was also black, and Remy didn't know the difference. He also didn't quite measure the batter correctly because he used the coffee pot, with it's measurements of cups, while following the directions on the pancake box. Anyway, he didn't burn down the house, and we had a wonderful first, and only, breakfast in bed.
6. First Major fight unresolved at bedtime. I only mention this here because it happens, not too often, but let's be honest, sometimes we go to bed angry. And sometimes when your spouse falls asleep, forgetting to beg for your forgiveness for being completely wrong, they accidentally lose their pillow, get stabbed in the side with your elbow, find that the blankets have kind of moved to your side of the bed, and they are somehow shaken until they wake the hell up. Now this is all theoretical of course. Just keep in mind that when you wake up in the middle of the night, and you finally resolve those angry feelings, there is still lots of pent up energy that can only be carefully processed with steamy hot make up sex.
7. Morning headaches in bed which are unexplained. This can be confusing for some. We are often accustomed to hearing about headaches the night before, be in the morning? Your spouse complains every morning for several weeks about increasing headaches, and not feeling well. You initially wish he would stop complaining, and get his ass out of bed so that he can be the first one in the shower. You later learn that something might be wrong with him, and he soon finds himself going to doctor appointment after doctor appointment trying to find a reason for all these headaches.
8. Holding your spouse in bed when he is falling apart with the news that he has a brain tumor, and that he needs emergency surgery. Okay, so maybe this isn't going to be on every one's top 10 list of events in bed, but it was a significant one in ours. It was that pivotal moment that our life changed, and that my role changed. Our bed was never the same.
9. The last time you sleep in the same bed with your spouse. Now in most of the movies that I have watched the dying spouse dies in their bed, and that is certainly how we expected it to happen. He did die at home, and in our bedroom, but in the weeks that preceded his death our life became far too complicated, and his safety prevented us from keeping him in our bed. One of the most difficult things I have ever had to do was to take apart our bed so that I could replace it with a hospital bed. Our bed is not this simple bed that can be quickly taken apart and moved. It is an enormous double chest bed, with many different parts that take a considerable amount of time to take apart or put together. It was agonizing to make the decision that was going to be in his best interest, but heartbreaking when he didn't understand why there were metal bars between the new bed, and the small day bed that was pushed up next to it. He still stretched across at an angle to lay his head on my pillow. This is one of those memories that cuts me deep, and I am in agony just describing it.
10. Sleeping alone in your bed for the first time without your spouse. I did this gradually. At first I slept in the hospital bed that remained in our bedroom. Then when the medical supply company was taking too long to pick it up, I couldn't stand it any longer. I completely took apart that hospital bed, piece by piece, and laid it in a corner. I then brought in our mattress, and slept on the floor next to the dismantled hospital bed. Then my brothers came to help me put my bed frame back together, so that I wouldn't have to do it alone. Then I laid in that bed, and the wailing began. It has now been almost a year, and that bed has absorbed so many tears, and continues to both bring me comfort, and yet keep reminding me that something, or someone, is missing.
So now, where were we? Oh yes, an empty spot in your bed that is keeping you from adequately sleeping.
Single, (obviously}, gay, Latino, middle aged, Catholic-Buddhist, lifelong insomniac, widower seeks bedfellow, or bed-gal, to take up some space laying prone on the left side on one double height, full-size, bed. Sexual favors would not be expected, but certainly not completely out of the picture. After all a guy has needs, well, unmet needs.
Not looking for any long term commitment. Would be willing to offer trade, you sleep in my bed, I sleep in your bed, and so on. Multiple parties welcome to apply, as a rotating schedule of shared bed time is certainly possible. Perhaps an arrangement of shared bed time, with built in times alone, can be agreed upon. Hey, apply as a group. See how many in your bereavement group might be interested in participating together.
Oh, and only serious spooners need apply.