Saturday, April 3, 2010

April Showers

tears from heaven
Originally uploaded by
Lani Barbitta

Well, after our extended stay at the resort, the kids and I returned to the home of my parents this afternoon. We arrived just in time for a BBQ being cooked up by my older brother. My next younger brother, and his family, arrived soon after us. We were celebrating a bit of Easter, and early birthday celebration for my mother. My kids are well worn out from too much fun in the sun, all with the requisite sun burns worn proudly as their spring break battle scars.

As for me, I am pretty well worn out. Not that I overexerted myself this week, more like it takes so much energy to be away from the comfort of my home. It takes so much energy to keep my true emotions at a safe distance. One of the challenges of the week, is that I didn't really have space to be completely alone with my feelings. It was quite difficult being in an environment where there were so many happy couples. And, although I was doing my best to just enjoy the break from work, it does take it's toll to be alone in such a place without my spouse, Michael.

It was four years ago that I met Michael. I had taken my kids to visit my parents during their spring break. That year my birthday had fallen on the Friday before Easter. Since I spent that day with my family in southern California, I decided that I wanted to be home by the following week, and go out by myself for a bit of a celebration. That night, Friday April 21st, 2006, I met Michael.

I was doing well today until my family began to gather around the table for our meal. Whenever we gather for an important family function, we always pause before the meal for a prayer of gratitude. I just couldn't do it. As I walked by the dining room, I just kept walking, right out the front door. I could hear everyone ask where I was. I think one of my kids must have let the rest know that I was sitting outside on the porch. I sat there looking all around me. It was evident that spring was upon us. The sky was blue, the air warm on my skin.

That's when it began to pour.