Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Originally uploaded by unpossibles
While I wrote my last post earlier this afternoon, I didn't publish it until late this evening. I needed to do some last minute edits, which for some reason took more time than I expected. By the time I was done, the kids were all off to bed, and I sat in the living room, quietly preparing to venture back down to my bedroom.
The way I describe it, you would think my bedroom is a bit of a dungeon. Tonight it sort of feels that way. I came down here, and the room is very cold. It is silent, and my heart is quickly feeling quite heavy.
I hate this. Dread. Agony. Reality.
It all sort of catches up with me. The coldness of the room quickly permeated my heart, and my mood is slipping out of my control. Tears are welling up, and I know what's ahead. I should sleep, yet I am too restless. I fear turning out the light, as sorrow will over power my prior optimism.
This is such a painful process. I know I have no choice to make here. I have no control. In one week it will be seven months. How I wish I could go back, and hold him once more. How I wish I could feel held.
The darkness has arrived. I am once again pulled under.