Meeting Who is What?
Originally uploaded by Meeting Neil Is Easy
I am not typically what others would consider a negative person, but then I am not going through a very typical time in my life.
What is it that people say? Love brings out the best in us? Well, what does death bring out?
I wish I knew what a typical response would be for someone in my position. Then again, I would first have to define what typical is in this case. I have surely known other's who have gone through a loss, but do I necessarily identify with them? I suppose that in order to clearly identify with how they experience the death of their spouse, I would have had to identify with them prior to their loss. And here lies the crux of this matter.
The people that I have known in my life, who have gone through such a loss, have mostly been my aunts, uncles, or grandparents. I don't have any family members within my age group that have experienced this type of loss. And, if I did, would I then need to see further similarities in order to clearly feel a sense of camaraderie?
I suppose the best way to find others that I can say are most similar to me, would be to look at the friends I have chosen to surround myself with. With family members, we might sort through them, and choose to associate with those with similar interests or experiences. But this is more thoroughly done with the friends that we make. I can honestly say that the friends I have chosen probably share more of my world view, lifestyle and day to day experiences. For this reason, I continue to have the challenge of feeling suddenly like the odd man out.
I look to my peers on a daily basis, and feel so alone. Why is this? Clearly, it is because those that I most identify with are now those that so harshly remind me of what I no longer have. Without a doubt this is why I have been isolating myself from the people that mean the most to me. How can the people I care about be there for me if I am no where to be found? Now, the reality of this is, of course, that I can easily be found. I am always at home. But unless I pick up the phone, return calls, or make some effort to come up to the surface, I am as good as missing.
Easily said, right? One step at a time. I know that I need to shift gears about now. I'm sinking. Obviously yesterday's post was quite telling. Those feelings that I expressed are still present, so effecting a change is not going to happen solely by this self realization. It is going to take considerable effort.
I'm typically a one day at a time kind of guy. Tomorrow is a new day.