It is 11:30 pm Easter Sunday night. I have been home for about 2 hours at this point. I spent the last 8 hours on the road, 4 of those hours driving in the rain. Not exactly how we usually spend Easter Sunday, but I am glad to be home. We had a wonderful week visiting my family, and having a short vacation. We were able to squeeze in taking my parents to church this morning, which was great. The service itself was quite nice, plus we got to see many friends and relatives who attend the same church.
But it isn't a proper Easter until you have taken the first bite off the chocolate bunny's ears. So, without further adieu, chomp!
Delicious. Yesterday I had gone by the store on the way back to my parent's home to buy my folks some Easter lilies, and get the kids a little something for Easter as well. They each got a small Dove milk chocolate bunny. And, while I was at it, I treated myself to a dark chocolate one as well. It sat in the back of the car, patiently awaiting this very moment for me to maim it with my near perfect bite. Michael would be proud. Of course, if he were here, I would be sharing it with him. He would be looking my way, with his big green eyes, giving me a little boy grin, knowing that I would give him that first bite. He would then say that was all he wanted. Of course within minutes he would be grabbing the poor little bunny and taking another big bite.
When Michael was around, his treats were his, and mine were his too. That's just how it worked. Okay, the bunny just lost his head. Can you tell that I am in a good mood? I am so damned happy to be home. I am sitting here on our bed, with all of our things around me. Our electronic frame is displaying many photos of our wedding, and various trips that we took. Across the room are two small candles gently providing a warm glow against Michael's urn. I find it all very comforting.
This is all I could think about as I drove up Interstate 5 today. I just wanted to be home. Home with my memories. Home with the relics that offer physical proof that he was here, and that we were happy. I love Michael so much. As I was driving I was thinking for the first time, that I could be happy always knowing that I was Michael's husband. I don't necessarily feel like I would want to ever be in love with anyone else. It could be enough just knowing that I had Michael's love, and that I was able to to give him so much of myself.
Who knows what the future holds. Right now, my heart is his. As I often told Michael, I will always be his husband. Some day, we will be together again. I know it is true. I believe in the afterlife. I believe that Michael will be waiting for me, and when I see him again, there will be no sense of any time lapse. We will simply turn to each other, and smile. He will put his arms around me, and I will raise my hands up to hold his face. He will say, "hi honey." I will say, "hello my love." It will be as if we were never apart.
Salvation will be mine.