Make a wish
Originally uploaded by AdmireLifePhoto
Today I had this saying going through my head..."Be careful what you wish for, because it might come true."
Last night after giving thought to my idea of a move, I decided to do a quick online job search to see what might be available to me. I hate to even discuss this, because it is starting to feel like my proposed move to San Diego could possibly be easier than I initially thought. In my first, and only, job search I came up with a job that was just posted last week. It is for a family court counselor, and it is within the same salary range of my current job. I have worked within the family and child dependency court process for 21 years. It is the type of job that I would jump at the opportunity if it were posted here in San Francisco. So why am I suddenly very nervous?
Today I met with my primary medical provider. As I may have mentioned in the past, he is also a widower. It has been interesting to check in with each other over the past couple of years as each of our spouses were battling, then succumbing to, cancer. My purpose in meeting with him today was to discuss my concern about my recent level of depression. We discussed a plan to better address my depression through medication. Once we were through with the topic of my appointment, he asked if I had started dating yet. This was done in good humor, as during my last appointment I had mentioned to him how so many in my prior support group had mentioned dating much sooner than they originally expected. I said that at 7 months I was no where near ready to entertain the idea of dating. I told him it was the last thing on my mind these days. He asked what changes I had been considering, at which time I shared with him my thoughts about moving. I mentioned the job posting I had found, and that although it seemed ideal, it also seemed perhaps too soon. He reminded me that the kids will be out of school in about 6 weeks, and that just because I get offered a job, doesn't mean I have to take it.
I realized that he was so right. This whole idea of applying for a new job is so foreign to me. After all, I have been with my job for 21 years. (Now I feel very old.) I suddenly felt a sense of freedom in the idea that I could put out as many feelers as I wanted. Who knows if any job offers will be made, but what a great opportunity to test the waters.
Tonight I sat my kids down to discuss my decision to move forward on this. I explained that while this is all just in the exploration process, I felt that they should be aware of this step that I am taking. Initially you could hear, and feel, the sound of three jaws dropping to the floor. When I told them about the job I was going to apply for, they all began to panic. Suddenly this all seemed very real.
This all takes me back to the end of our spring break trip to San Diego. The kids had such a wonderful week. They loved visiting with all of our relatives, and kept talking about what it would be like to live near all of them. When we were at the resort I mentioned to them that Michael and I had been considering San Diego as a possible place to move to. At the time, the kids all jumped at the idea of such a move. They said they had never thought they would want to move to southern California, but suddenly liked the idea. Now I think they are thinking the same thing as myself, "Be careful what you wish for, because it might come true."
I'm not going to get too far ahead of myself. I'm just going to take the first step forward, and see what comes of it. One thing I can say is this, for the first time, in a long time, I'm feeling like there is something to look forward to.