Sunday, October 3, 2010
Don't call me out.
Observe, but don't ask.
It's always the same, I get caught off guard.
We were sitting at an outdoor restaurant in Old Town. They boys were enjoying their huge drinks, and their delicious food. Then Dante looked up at me and caught me in the act.
What was I doing? Missing Michael of course. It was a moment of weakness, where I had some how let down my guard. There were happy people all around me. At the table next to me were two elderly couples enjoying chips and margaritas. They were all smiling and having a good time.
There was a pang in my heart. I took a deep breath, and looked away. That's when it happened, Dante asked me once again, "What's wrong Dad?"
He was doing it again, calling my emotions out, and I needed to respond better this time. I said to both boys that it is often very difficult for me to be out in public. I then started to say that I miss Michael terribly when I see older couples together. I didn't get very far into my response when the wave of grief hit, and tears filled my eyes. I could see that the boys were not prepared for my emotional response. I took a deep breath, turned away, and then reminded myself to breath.
What I really wanted to do was just walk quickly out of there, but I couldn't do that to the boys. I needed to hang in there.
I really hate when this happens. In typical form, I try my best to not get caught off guard.
I'm okay now.