Sleep

So here is my son Remy, laid out on the living room sofa, fast asleep while I talk on the phone with my daughter. In the next room is Dante, sprawled out across his bed, which lately looks two sizes too small for him.

Let's not forget Ranger, who is currently sleeping in Dante's laundry basket. I'm not exactly sure how he came to sleep inside the basket, but he looks quite cozy. Fido has been quietly curled up on the large pet bed across from me, and Carelli seems to move back and forth from sleeping on top of Remy, and over to the love couch across the room I had a wonderful talk with my daughter, mostly listening to her describe a difficult period she is going through, but hearing her express it in a calm and thought out manner. Evidence of growth.

It all seems so simple. One would look at this picture, and when doing the math, would see that it adds up to a pretty peaceful place to be. Then why did I sit at work resisting the realization that it was time to go home.

You know, it's horrible when your spouse dies, leaving you alone to cope with life. It's absolutely cruel if they do it when the kids are all going through adolescence.

I did not sit down to whine in front of all of you. No, really, I didn't. I just feel so damn tired of all the strife that is common here in my home. I'm am tired of facing problems that are so beyond simple explanation or solution. It's not that I didn't have to deal with these same complex challenges before hand. And it's not as if Michael was always able to contribute to the problem solving that these challenges present. It's that I am alone with it all.

I'm feeling like the pace of life that I was enjoying this summer, has become completely annihilated. I enjoy where I am working, but it's just that by the fact that I am back to working that I find myself feeling just as overwhelmed, an exhausted. So much of what I accomplished for myself this summer, is already vanishing. I know I need to bring it all back, but since I am dealing with so much again, I find it too easy to just withdrawal.

I guess that what I am trying to say, but having a difficult time doing so, is that I wish for a more carefree kind of existence. How can I get it? How do I sustain it? And, is it even possible.

I envy each of these sleeping creatures that surround me right now. I know that none of them are sleeping with out a worry in their little heads. Oh, contrar. I know that they each have their demons, and that when push comes to shove they do work toward through that day's worries.

I suppose that what I most need right this minute, is to sleep. I need to take notice of how my family is dealing with life as we speak. Tonight's agenda, of which I was not given notice, is to just shrug it all off, and zone out. Not such a bad idea.

There you have it, a less than thought out post. But one that has caused me to reflect on what can be done to replenish my soul.

Sleep.