Monday, October 11, 2010
Poor Poor Pitiful Me.
It's official. I have the most pitiful life.
This is not one of those posts where I go on and on about just sitting, and not getting anything done. I actually accomplished quite a bit today. It was my day off, as we were supposed to be celebrating Columbus Day, what a joke. I don't mean to offend anyone, but really, if I show up at your home and take it over, will you name a holiday after me as well? Discovery, my ass.
No, my pitifulness is nothing earth shaking, and not even a new revelation. It's just that I am getting pretty darn tired of seeing myself mope around here in my home, or in this world for that matter.
My god, I waste so much time staring into this computer. It's really sad. It's like I have suspended time, and just sit here observing the real world from a short distance. I don't feel like I am participating much. I have really kind of lost my connection to my immediate world. I haven't been to yoga in a week. Now I have some really good excuses, namely that my older son was having so many problems lately that I couldn't really leave the house, or my younger son, unattended. That said, there was no excuse for not getting my tired, and increasingly sagging, ass to the gym.
I tell you what, there is always the flip side of things. You know, that silver lining crap. Well, the ones enjoying this current lining are my animals. They are just in hog heaven having me around to boss around, and to receive endless amounts of affection. It is so pitiful, I have slept the past few nights with all three of them, Ranger, Fido and Carelli, all on top of my bed. There is barely room for me!
Let me tell you, not to long ago I was the last person you would expect to see around any animals. I'm not really that nature, cuddly, kind of guy. It wasn't until Michael got sick, and his aunt Nancy died, that I brought home this big fat cat, Carelli, to join our happy household. And I'm allergic to cats. See how out of sync I am? Once Carelli arrived, I decided we needed to allow for the dog my daughter had wanted, so there we were, a happy couple, well, happy with cancer in our lives, three kids and two animals. Whew, what a change of lifestyle.
You all know the story of Fido, how he conned me into bringing him into this house, and into my damn heart. What the hell is wrong with me. I should be bringing a man into my bed, not another dog! Have I become a cat lady? Is there an equivalent, being a guy, and having dogs and cats? It's really scary. Next thing you know I will be buying all kinds of cutesy, kitsch shit with animals on them, and place them all around the house. Maybe I'll also become a hoarder, and just disappear into the house all together.
As I was driving around today, getting all this home loan shit done, I was thinking this, I have no life! I'm not even motivated to really care much. Did you know that I have two flat screen televisions with DVR's, fully loaded with all cable channels, and they rarely get turned on? Hell, I rarely get turned on these days.
Somethings got to give. I can't keep going on like this. It's definitely time to make a commitment to start partaking in life again. Maybe somebody who is reading this will run into me somewhere, grab a hold of me, shake me, and shout, "get on with your life!" I am seriously worried that this grief thing has so weighed me down, that I don't even realize that I haven't been up for air in some time.
Maybe drastic times call for drastic measures. I think I should set some new goals this week.
1. Go out and get drunk.
2. Get laid for gosh sake!
3. Can you at least make one damn friend?
4. Hit the gym.
5. See if you can find your way back to the yoga studio.
Well, it's a start. If you have been observing my pitiful life, and have found yourself thinking that it's time for me to make a move, then let me have it. This is your chance. Don't hold back. Throw out ideas. Shout out the epitaphs you were preparing in the event of my demise. I can take it. The time is now. Strike while the iron is hot.
Yeah, all of that!