Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Primal Scream

Day 93 - Primal Scream
Originally uploaded by
Dark and Broody

Whatever sense of inner peace I thought I had been moving toward just came to an abrupt head on collision with the chaos around me.

Since the day after I arrived here in San Diego, I have had to deal with workers in and out of the house that I rented, and workers beginning significant work on the unit below mine. I thought I was handling all the noise and interruption well, then tonight I realized that I am now fed up with it all. I have yet to have a day without some workers in the house. I can't even enjoy time in our living room due to all the noise around us, or below us, that goes from early afternoon until late in the evening.

Well, it has now been 10 days since my arrival, and the shit has hit the fan. I am no longer willing to be inconvenienced without compensation. I thought I had found a place to seek solace, and spend time with my writing. I can't even hear myself think with all the noise and interruptions. I didn't realize just how much this was getting to me until tonight, when I was trying to have a serious conversation with my 16 year old, and I had workers going in and out of the house at 7:45 pm. I finally turned to them and asked if they could please leave, and plan to be out of here no later than 7pm any future night. The problem was, they then went downstairs to work, and proceeded to begin sawing wood, and drilling something. The noise was ridiculously loud. I got fed up, and took the boys out for a late meal. When we returned at 9pm, the workers were finally packing up their things to leave.

This is definitely not how I imagined my first couple of weeks in our new home. The boys and I have been trying to figure out why the house hasn't felt like a home. We have been talking about the fact that we don't hang out in the living room together like we did in San Francisco. I initially thought is was because we didn't have the cable T.V. set up for the first week. Yet, once we did get it, we realized there was so much noise and chaos going on around us, that we didn't want to be in the main part of the house. The boys escape to their bedrooms, each with one of the pets with them so they don't dart out the door each time the workers enter or exit. And I am either upstairs trying to find some quiet, or working in and around the workers, trying to make meals or clean up the house.

I just want to scream. Maybe I need to seek out some primal scream therapy.

I have decided to take formal steps to correct this situation, or to break my lease and look for other housing. I don't need this type of living environment. It's really unfortunate, as we really like the house and the location. But, enough is enough. The stress of the situation is starting to effect the behavior of the boys, and effect my ability to address their behavior in a calm manner. Even our pets are beginning to act out, as they are so stressed by the chaos, and their lack of freedom to move about the house.

As my daughter pointed out to me tonight, in a little over a month I will be reaching the one year anniversary of Michael's death. It will be difficult enough to get through that time in a peaceful place, let alone in all this chaos.

Time to speak up. Time to make some decisions.


  1. Dan, i am so sorry. i did not realize how much there was to do to your new place. what are your landlords doing? rebuilding the whole house around you using you as a proxy supervisor, and one who pays them? and who are these paragons of construction workers? i've never had anyone work that late without their hands out for overtime.

    you have to speak up. and no, it is not because the one year milestone is coming up although i can tell you from my own experience that the anticipation of it can almost cripple. it is because you have the right to be in your home and have it as silent as you wish. whether mortgage or rent, it is now your home. i hope you get quick resolutions that are satisfactory to you.


  2. the one year thing is huge. even when you (me, anyway) are not thinking about it consciously, it is there. be very gently and kind to yourself during this time, and be where peace and quiet can prevail.

  3. Yes, do something about this now before it continues any longer. This definitely isn't right. Time to address this situation while you can do so calmly. From experience, when things go on too long and you get really stressed, that's when you can really blow a fuse. Not good for anyone.

  4. Dan,
    I have to agree with what Bev said. I've been in the process of moving since Robyn passed--because we all hated the house we were in--and it's been so nice having a peaceful apartment where everything works. Plus, we have quiet neighbors-a sweet elderly couple next door, a group of women I lovingly refer to as the Golden Girls downstairs, and a quiet, shy, gay man across the hall (let's hear it for gaybors!!)

    Something was always breaking down at our last rental and it drove us nuts. I can't imagine dealing with a big change like a move, and the one year anniversary, under the circumstances you're now living with now. Your landlord needs to fix the situation. Period. You shouldn't have to pay full rent for a house that isn't fully inhabitable by your family.


  5. Oh man... That would drive me CRAZY. Even without the emotional stresses of moving, grief, etc... constant noise pushes me right over the edge.

    I agree with what the others have said. This needs to be resolved, and pronto. If the house needed this much work to be rented, the landlord should have had the work done before s/he rented it to you. I hope you get an acceptable resolution SOON. Sending you vibes for peace and quiet...