Thursday, July 22, 2010

Dinner Out

Ortega's Restaurant
Originally uploaded by

Tonight was my first night out socializing with friends. For many years I have had one of my dearest, sweetest friends living right here in San Diego. When it came time to decide where to live, and to get recommendations for schools, she was the one to call. Tonight was her birthday, so the boys and I join her, her family, and two other families for a birthday dinner out.

I had a really nice time. The new people that I met were very friendly, and showed sincere interest in getting to know us three Cano boys. I suppose everyone might have been informed before my arrival to San Diego about why I was making this move, and there were no questions about my marital status. In some ways this made it for a less stressful evening, yet in other ways it challenges me to consider to what extent I want to include Michael into my new developing friendships. I suppose with time, and with the degree of getting to know new people, I will make choices as to who to let into my more intimate world.

I must say, that yesterday's yoga experience put me into a very introspective mood today. I spent most of the day being quiet, and listening to various podcasts available on iTunes. I liked this quiet space in my head, and felt a sense of peace throughout the day.

Today also marked the day that I decided to unpack Michael's urn, and place it, along with all of the trinkets that honor him, on the book case in my bedroom. I had decided that I didn't want to just put these things out along with all of the other furnishings and personal items throughout the past few days. I wanted the process of including Michael's ashes to be separate, and a process done with great respect and thought. As I opened the box that held his urn, along with all the other items, I took a deep breathe, and caressed the urn in my hands. I let them run across all sides of the urn, giving it a sense of my love and care. Ironically, my daughter showed up a short time afterward with a beautiful bouquet of flowers, along with a note stating her love of me and Michael. It was very thoughtful.

I think Michael would be pleased with the choices that I am making. I miss him terribly. I suppose I am feeling a bit more vulnerable tonight. It was a challenge to be out socially without him. It was easier than expected, but a challenge none the less.


  1. I came over from Mothering nature. I, too, find social situations challenging. I'm 8 months pregnant so questions about where the father is always come up. And then I have to say, "He's dead," and that opens a book of questions I'd rather not get into...

    The description of you removing the urn from the box was very moving.

    Thank you for sharing from your journey.

  2. I suppose with time, and with the degree of getting to know new people, I will make choices as to who to let into my more intimate world.

    Making those choices is pretty much what I've done when traveling or during the times when I stay put in one place. I realize that it's a luxury, unique to having the ability to move around and be able to "be" whichever person I want to be in a given situation. Again, it's another form of freedom.

    Sounds like you are in a good place. Glad to hear that your daughter is able to come by for visits. I hope she's doing well in her new home too.